Friday, July 15, 2011


Brain damage.
How do you swollow that word when the doctors are saying that word bout your 6 month old daughter. A little girl who has faught so hard to live, so hard just to be able to breath. And now God throughs this at us? When will she ever get a break? I want to badly to take all of her pain from her. So the team of doctors sit me down, all alone sitting there holding my daughter and break the news. How do you handle that? I know she is developmentally behind, she is a special girl. But how can you can she has brain damage? She laughs, she smiles, and she is perfect. There is no damage there! You tell the doctors thank you, but really you want to just punch them. Stop them from saying these things about your little girl. But you take a deep breath and smile.
So i leave the hospial.. knwoing that i have every right to cry, every right to be angry. But im not.... the day doesnt change.. It is on my mind but I have so much to do.. I don't have time to be upset. Trach change-- i get to put an artificial air way in the HOLE in my daughters neck. Then Trach tie changes-- i get to watch my duaghter in pain trying to cry but she cant. I have to pin her down... yeah ... i have no time to be upset.
But i get in the car and drive home to our house, and the drive lets my mind wonder.
What does this mean for Eva? I see and hear of all these stories of babies born preemie like her... at home healty playing and loving life. I am so happy for those babies.. they give us strength but when will that be our turn? God knows I will stand her in this NICU everyday for the rest of my life if i need too but I want her to be happy. To enjoy this life that she has faught so hard to have. Im envious of the families who have healthy babies... I would NEVER trade her for anything but i want her to be home with us, where she belongs
Damages?No doctor knows what will become of this brain damage. But I do knwo that God woudlnt consider it brain damage-- just brain challenges

Like my dear friend Robyn said " She is perfect even if it isn't the typical perfect that everyone thinks of and I know how much you know that too. Your love and support and strength is running strong through sweet Evi...e. Take a deep breath and then look and hold your perfect angel. To think of all the positive energy that she has help create throughout the universe already."

perfection comes in so many shades. She is just a right shade of perfection <3

1 comment:

  1. So true <3 Stay strong mama. We are always thinking of you guys.